It's frustrating to be proven otherwise on something I've always had faith in.

I had been proud of all of us, but now, I'm ashamed.

'Cos I'm quite sure that 20 cents don't mean a thing to you people, but no, you guys just aren't kind enough to give them to people who genuinely need them, badly.

If you aren't willing to donate, fine by me, just let me know and I won't bug you. It's not an obligation to begin with and I'm quite sure I'm not that unreasonable.

I was willing to let it all go. I know some people have their reasons, others? Well, they just can't be bothered. You guys don't want to help? Fine.

But was it neccessary to bring down our morale?

Everyone knows the feeling of rejection is never nice. Yet we had to embrace it with a smile when deep down inside we were crushed.

Just say that you aren't keen to help, I'll understand. There was absolutely no need to roll your eyes at me or spit somewhere close to where I was standing. They do nothing but reflect what kind of person you are and what fine attitude and manners you have.

I felt so insignificant, so dejected that I no longer wanted to help.

What makes you guys think that you people have the right to despise those who had been standing under the sun for hours asking for donations? Who are you to judge us through tinted glasses?

I understand that all the corruption incidents have robbed Charity off the faith that you guys once had for it. I know how it feels to have one's trust betrayed.

But what will it take for you guys to regain faith? There are still people out there who need your help. Black sheep don't represent all the volunteers there are and the majority of them really want to help. They want to make a difference to those who need them, no matter how small.

I'm eternally grateful to those who lent a helping hand. Those who were willing to share what they had with those who are much less fortunate. You guys did the right thing, and I'm glad that you all aren't extinct. I was starting to worry.

And I've done what I could. It might not be what I've volunteered to do, but I did my best and I know it.

20 cents might mean nothing to you but it means a whole lot to others.

Reflect, people. It's sad.

Cheers!
6:40 PM

Photos like this make my day. Totally :)

Cheers!
9:23 PM

I think my Mp3's spoilt.

That's fast, I know, but it simply won't turn on no matter how long I press the button ):

I swear I didn't do anything to it!

What am I going to do? I've started relying on it a lot already.

Gosh, that means no music on the bus! Dieeeeeee.

Mp3! Don't die on me! ):

Cheers!
5:33 PM

Finally! An Mp3 of my ownnnnnn! :D

And doesn't it look neat!



The metallic silver colour makes it look so expensive xD

I know it's no Ipod, nor is it some model of Creative Zen. Oh wait, it doesn't even have a brand name actually :\

But the fact that it can play music contents me :) Furthermore, it has a 1GB memory space, an FM radio, a built-in telephone directory and a video recorder.

All for just $59.90!

Congratulate me, c'mon! :)

And it was fully paid by my mother! Yes, and that's a huge accomplishment 'cos getting my mother to buy me one took me so long I thought I was destined to live without an Mp3. I don't know what changed her mind but that's fine by me :)

My sister got the same brandless one as mine, with hers being of an indigo colour instead of metallic silver and we're both thrilled!

With my trusty Mp3, I wouldn't have to endure lonely/boring bus rides home anymore! YAY!

Cheers!
9:49 AM

I tried to unleash all the creativity I had, squeezing my brain juices dry to think of a design that'd hopefully make me feel like it's worthwhile, that I've made the right choice and that life can go on.

But there it was, the fact that I am simply not good enough, glaring back at me, ridiculing me, making feel worse than I already had been.

This is just too difficult. I can't do it.

I just can't.

And you? Condemning our work doesn't make you look good one bit, don't you get it? Does it give you great pride and satisfaction to crush our efforts?

I'm sick and tired of everything.

Everything.

Cheers!
11:46 PM

I got home a happy girl, despite having done so only at 7 in the evening and albeit a lil drained.

Because the souvenir is turning out well. At least to me and Louisa, who stayed back together with me to finish up the DNA structure, along with Eileen, Melvis and even Valencia.


Now really, considering the budget that we were given (i.e. $3 per souvenir), I really think that we've done a pretty decent job already.


No? :)

It's not what it's supposed to look like ultimately of course. There're still a few touching up to do, and a few other materials to source for.

But the main crux is there :)

And through the making of this souvenir, I've realised that Louisa is really amusing and it's fun to do things with her! Sure, we argue a lot, but funny as it may sound, that's really where the fun is!

I like arguing with Louisa haha.

And it's been a day full of revelations. About you.

I can't say I'm not shocked, I did not expect half the things that were said to be about you. I know it isn't right to judge people when all I have for evidence are rumours. But having put my History skills into action, I don't see why any of those people would have lied.

I thought I know you, but now, I'm not so sure. Some people just aren't what they might appear to be and for all I know, you might be one of them.

It's really time I reconsider my stand and ponder over exactly who you are behind that facade. I don't want to be hurt by you, just like what you've done to the others.

Others who treated you as a friend, only to be stabbed in their backs for their faith in you and not know what hit them.

Cheers!
10:52 PM

I was feeling really great about myself, school, life... basically everything because I was in a relatively good mood.

Until YOU had to spoil it all.

Seriously.

If you think you can do a better job than us, sure by all means, go ahead.

Show us that your idea is the one worth taking up, as compared to the one we've spent WEEKS, sacrificing our lunches to come up with. If you think you're so great:

THEN PROVE IT!

Now. I'm not saying no one is allowed to critique or that no one has the right to give opinions/comments. I don't think that our design is the best. Just do so without making yourself sound like a tyrant who's all out to disapprove of our design.

And don't expect us to comply with your thoughts and work on your idea, when you can't find a proper reason as to exactly why you look down upon ours.

Especially when it was a last-minute arrangement, which most of us weren't aware of or had consented.

Scrape our idea and take up yours?

You wish.

I'm fuming, and I have to study for the Bio quiz tomorrow.

When one is down on luck, nothing seems to go right at all.

Cheers!
8:46 PM

I'm the Language Arts representative. Again.

For the third year running even, and those are all the years I've had in Nanyang, so far.

Can you believe it?! -.-

The wise thing to do now is to NEVER tell me who nominated me for the position, for I'd find it hard to refrain from knocking the lights out of her -.-

And whoa, a unanimous vote!
I'm like, so stereotyped when there lies the fact that I've never been a decent Language Arts rep.

I guess I'll just have to live with it.

And the highly possible fact that I failed my first Math quiz for the year - don't ask.


It was funny attending Orientation when I'm already a senior in school. I might have looked oddly out of place, or even highly resembling a joke.

I felt nervous and I couldn't help but feel like I don't belong. It wasn't what I truly wanted but don't get me wrong, I didn't join it only because I had to, though it definitely was a contributing factor.

If I had a choice, though, it'd never had come to this.

Sometimes, it feels like I'm held back and cuffed up in all aspects possible. I don't usually get to decide; all I can do is do what is perceived to be the best.

And very often than not, these best solutions usually come with neither happiness nor relief. All they bring is regret, leaving me lamenting my fate and wondering why I'm what I am.

Why am I always given the chance to dedicate myself towards an interest, only to be told I'm unable to accomplish what I've set out to do because of reasons like physical constraints just when I'm starting to feel attached to it?

Not only to it, but to the people who made me feel like I belong, like I'm a part of them.

How am I ever going to make up for what I've lost?

Cheers!
8:41 PM

It's my first day as a tutor today! Yup, a tutor! But before you get the wrong idea, I'm a tutor under the "Peer Tutoring Programme" @ Yuhua Sec.

So no, I'm not getting any money.

I volunteered to clock NYAA hours!

It was overall a really nice experience and Cheryl (Ho) made it a fun session for me with her spastic jokes and natural lameness :D It feels greaaaaat to actually be the teacher for once, and helping people really gives me a sense of accomplishment, yay!

But I was freaking out real badly when I was informed that we would be taking the Sec 2s. 'Cos Sec 2's Math syllabus is pretty much just a mess of blur in my head because I hadn't been practising much of Math during the holidays, have I? But thankfully, I was able to do the questions my tutee wasn't sure of!

Now can you imagine how embarrassing it would be if I hadn't? :\

But I think I did pretty well as a first time tutor, since I wasn't too fierce/impatient to my tutee and she seemed to understand what I was trying to tell her, although it might have been too comical with my hand actions and all that. For all you know, that could have distracted her from her attempt to understand what I was talking about.

My tutee's name is Xue Er by the way and she is awfully quiet. Perhaps she's shy, haha, and probably intimidated by the fact that she had two tutors. But she was friendly enough such that the one and a half hour session wasn't too awkward.

And with Cheryl around, there weren't long periods of strained silence too! 'Cos she's actually quite talkative la hoh.

School's been just school, sad to say. But Integrated Humanities (IH) was quite a bit of a debate and rather mind-stimulating, so to speak.

We were questioning a lot, even sprouting questions such as "What is a definition?" and "Who has the right to decide?".

Philosiphical, aren't they?

Yes, and it was an interesting lesson, though I don't get why they are so insistent on making us think exactly what the meaning is behind the term "Nation-state". I know they're trying to have us think on our feet and lessen our dependence on information spoon-fed to us by our teachers but I thought the whole point in attending school is so that there'd be teachers who would TEACH us?

And not trying to make us guess something we've never quite heard of and of which we now know doesn't exist?

Then make us write an essay on it?

Which reminds me that it's due next week and I have to hand-write it -.-

Shoot.

Cheers!
9:56 PM

Fighting back tears is not something I do often - I'm not one who controls my feelings well.

Yet, I restrained myself, not because it was embarrassing to have Pamela witness my outburst of emotion, but because I know crying wouldn't help. I know it's time I let go, that no amount of passion or love would reverse anything, or even salvage the situation for that matter.

And it's done. I've got it signed.

So I'm no longer a trailblazer, whether I like it or not.

'Cos there's nothing I can do.

Cheers!
9:26 PM

"Actually, sir," the detective said, his eyes darkly serious, "there's been
a shooting at the restaurant where he works. There's no easy way to tell you
this. I'm sorry, but he's been killed."

Tell me this isn't happening.

Cheers!
8:52 PM

2nd Chinese composition in a week, Math & Chemistry worksheets, 25-page Integrated Humanties notes, Integrated Humanities presentation, Language Arts/Chinese/Chemistry/Biology SIAs.

-.-

Y'know, just last night, I still found it hard to believe that I'm actually a Secondary 3 student this year 'cos I don't feel like a senior at all and it's quite scary to know that I'd actually be graduating in 2 years' time. Especially when I remember being a junior just a number of days ago.

Today though, it has started to sink in.

I mean, won't you look at all those work that I have to do! :(

All that, plus Council work allocations, meetings in the morning and trying to find Ms Ang every single afternoon for two days but to no avail.

It's no wonder I'm feeling so tired.

So tired that 8 hours of sleep per day still ain't enough to replenish my energy everyday.

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Cheers!
9:28 PM

心情不好，连呼吸，也觉得累.

我，很累.

Cheers!
3:41 PM

A solution was presented before me today. And it'd be a pity to give it a miss.

So yes, it's a long-term dilemma resolved, but no, I'm not rejoicing.

Perhaps this problem has never been meant to end in a way that would please me.

It would leave my parents feeling victorious and happy, her, with a sense of relief, and the rest, contentment that there's no longer a free-loader at last.

Yes, it'd be a happy ending for everyone. But for me, it'd be an addition of regret and no happiness to speak of.

It was really a difficult position that I was forced to take. For so long, I've gone on, without really belonging anywhere. I was afraid to.

Then again, I was never really given a choice to decide, was I?

Cheers!
7:55 PM

PUREST OF PAIN

Cheers!
5:55 PM

Today's the best day I've had in school so far for the new year!

'Cos I got to skip PCCG and CME due to my facillating duty during Telematch for the Sec 1s, which started at 8! HEHHHHH. And oh my gosh, Telematch was so funnnnnnnn! I was in charge of 110, a pretty charming class, but slightly lacking in enthusiasm. Still, they were cooperative and I think they had as much as fun as I did! :D

Move the Tarp was perhaps the most mind-bogging game that we played. The three of us (Liang Hui & Gwen) had to help lift up the blue tarp while the class tried to jump together at the same time, lol. Then I was made to run with the class so many times during It's My Alphabet that I almost fainted and died. But kind-hearted Gwen replaced me, while Liang Hui continued to torture us. I think she enjoyed it a lot.

No fear though! In the end, justice prevailed and she was punished!

'Cos her face was mercilessly vandalised with talcum powder by the Sec 1s! HAHA, and seeing it being done was sooooo satisfying man! Vengence is sweeeet: I bet you regret making me run so many times during It's My Alphabet now, don't you! xD

Oh, and I saw Jonathan's sister! My junior ehhh :) And she managed to answer the question correctly - not bad!

At 'round nine, the two of us, along with Sheena, had to abandon our duties and rush to the toilets to change in order to make ourselves look presentable for photo-taking. But I think I'll probably still look like a freak in the photo - I was flushed, drenched in perspiration and my fringe looked funny -.-

And they say they're for our I/Cs!
Damnnnnn.

Got back to class in time for Integrated Humanities and wahhhhhhhhh, I'm scared.

'Cos the subject's so friggin' demanding! Either that, or Mr Han was just trying to scare us, which I think is highly probable too. I'm going to like, read the newspapers everyday, cut out all the articles then file them!

Please, don't let me fail another subject, I beg you.

After recess, I struggled with composition and I didn't manage to finish it up by the end of the period. She wanted it by the end of today and that was impossible for me, 'cos I had GM during lunch. I had no choice but to stay back in school to finish it up. So no, stop trying to convince me that she's a nice teacher.

Ms Tan's like a bullet! She teaches us at the speed of light man. We've finished one chapter already, and she's confident that we'd be able to finish the second by the 3rd lesson. That's like, fast. We've already been assigned homework when I doubt the other classes have even started lessons.

Gees.

Then GM during lunch and I'm in HRC!

Yayyyyy a dream come true! I'm really pleased with the decision 'cos it was my choice of committee :) And Elaine's my comm head you knowwww! :D

Geography was highly entertaining, as usual. We only did a recap on the topic of Population 'cos only half the class was present haha.

FOL = Fitness For Life Food For Life

Super hilarious.

Last period was Chemistry and I learnt a lot even though it was only a half-an-hour lesson. Mrs Chew really makes us think a lot, and I realised that I am so accustomed to being spoon-fed information that I've pretty much lost the curiousty and hunger to know more, and think beyond what's required of us.

Who'd have guessed that we're actually using Chemistry every single day? Certainly not me. And I'm feeling ashamed of that.

So I've become really hyped up to study this year. I'm not sure how long this enthusiasm will last, but seeing how I've already finished all my assignments even before the weekends have arrived, I think it will go on for a pretty long time.

We'll see :)

Cheers!
9:19 PM

I felt cheated today.

My back almost broke under the weight of my bag. I had 5 textbooks, 3 of which were thickkkkkk like no one's business. They must have been like 64387354398kg heavy.

I was going to let it go, because well, I know we're going to school to study and all, but!

None of the textbooks were used!

And we were told we weren't required to bring the thickest one at all.

Bloody hell.

But in a way, this is good news too, 'cos it meant that there weren't homework assigned. Not much anyway.

'Cos we have to do 作文 tomorrow. Some topic on self-introduction and my views/hopes on Chinese.

And the teacher expects us to finish it in an hour. And I don't really like such strigent rules, so I don't really like her, for now.

It's a different case for the rest of the teachers though! I got another Mrs Tan for Language Arts this year haha, and she's alright :) I like her 'cos she's understanding and she initiated this so-called class assignment which helped me make friends!

An assignment to think of ways to sell ourselves, lmao!

Now I know Yin Hwee, Lydia, Rosalind and Gwen Yik! Along with Sheena and Cheryl, whom I know already.

But they all probably know me as the Crazy Crapper, who's extremely defensive when it came to matters relating to Harry Potter, who have no talents and who's jealous of Gwen Yik as a result of that talentlessness. Who also told them this joke about Hello Kitty and Doraemon and who didn't know the difference between anime and manga (conveniently mis-pronouncing that last word while at it).

I had no idea what struck me, 'cos minutes into the discussion, I was still very quiet and awkward like the rest of them. A few seconds later, poof! I was talking non-stop.

And my selling point is that I'm so humble. Haaaaaaaaa!

But honestly, I think that Gwen Yik's really cool. She has like, a band of her own, and can draw really, really, really well.

Some people have all the luck. Gah!

Also teaching us this year is Ms Lee, who majors in Biology. She's really sweet, and she's one who doesn't give pop quizzes!

Thank God. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God!

And there's Ms Tan who's teaching us Mathematics. Not bad too, not because she bought us sweets and made an effort to create this really unique design of our name EACHHHHH, but because she was really good in explaining the concepts that she was trying to get across today. So I reckon I wouldn't have such a big problem understanding Math this year too :) Hopefully la!

And Mr Lim C.H. remembers me! Like, after a year! He knew my name, and could tell me I was from 106!

I was so touched :') I thought he never noticed me!

I'll be seeing Mr Han tomorrow! How excitinggggg xD He said he had been wanting to give me a surprise just by simply walking into class, 'cos he thought I didn't know he was teaching me, but I knew about it already, so too bad! HAHA!

And lucky for him, I'll be back in time for his lesson from facilating the telematch for the Sec ones!

I shall make more friends tomorrow, but I'm missing 206 really badly. It's wierd to enter the classroom in the morning and not receive any greetings from people around. I particularly miss Deedee-mei! :(

Give me back my 206!

Cheers!
11:03 PM

The third day of the new year, and the first day back at school.

And it turned out to be pretty darn good!

The serious jam in the morning (which made me late for the meeting!) was perhaps the only downer of the day. Okay, and having the class I had to lead, taking things over and leading themselves instead also affected me quite a bit.

Other than that, school's been alright :)

Firstly, I didn't forget to bring my report book, unlike last year, and I wasn't caught for anything inappropriate, such as infringement of dress code, so all was well!

My form teacher's Mrs Susan Chew! You guys who have her for Chemistry: she's really really really nice (although a tad too insistent regarding certain things). She didn't show signs of being unreasonable or demanding, so I believe she's a really good teacher. Hopefully, she wouldn't prove me wrong!

And Eileen's my new, official tablemate! So cooooool :D We're sitting at the 2nd row, nearer to the door and she's so spastic haha. But I love the gift that you gave me, m'dear! It's so cute. (Duh, 'cos I chose it right! HAHA!) And we're thinking of staying back in school everyday to do our homework together :DDD

Mr Han's teaching me Integ. Humanities (yay!) and Mr Lim C.H.'s teaching me Geography (double yay!). I have no idea who the other teachers are, but I'll be seeing the bulk of them tomorrow.

Which means: lessons are starting!

Lessons = Homework. Mannnnnnnn.

Gah. Basically, we didn't do much, 'cos most of today was dedicated to "interaction with form teacher", so it was pretty slack. And I was mostly talking to Eileen because I have no idea who's sitting in front, behind and beside me :\

And the talks at the auditorium were boring. I fell asleep for like, 5 minutes, and couldn't keep my eyes open for 5 seconds straight after that.

Okay, can't type anymore. It's raining now and who knows when that lightning will strike and shut down my computer.

I will make friends tomorrow!

Cheers!
9:19 PM

School reopens tomorrow!

Annnnnnnnnnd. I'm not feeling happy about it.

Thanks to my perfected procrastination skills, I've managed to put off the packing of my school bag and the final round up for my homework till tonight.

And I've only just managed to get them done when I'm supposed to be asleep already.

I guess it takes time to change this habit of mine, so I shan't be too hard on myself.

Rawrrrrrrrrr, my emotions are a bit wrecked right now. On one hand, I'm anticipating the start of the new school term where I'll finally be a senior (strangely, being one of the 'older' students in the school gives me this certain sense of satisfaction), while on the other hand, I'm dreading the beginning of another school year 'cos it'd mean the start of an endless flow of assignments, examinations and ultimately, stress.

Ahhhhh, let's think about happy things!

And I think today classifies as that.

Family gathering and shoppppping! Haha, it was a fun fun day.

First it was my distant cousin's one-year-old birthday celebration, where we ate lunch, buffet style, and chatted outside the apartment :)

Then a trip to IMM for 4 hours I think! Aunty Penny & husband were replacing their whole set of furniture and they took a loooooong time to decide, 'cos they were being very particular about every single detail. Then if was off to the clothes shop for my clothes! LOL.

And it was a pretty good harvest I must say, only possible 'cos my mum was in a very generous mood xD

In total, I got 1 skirt, 2 shorts and 3 tops! And a belt! HEH HEH.

Recalling what I've managed to get from shopping really lifts my mood mannnnnn.

And I hope it's enough to help me pull through tomorrow!

'Cos I need to wake up at like, 545.

要我的命.

Cheers!
11:29 PM

Final word count: 1076 words and I'm finally done.

What a relief!

Special thanks go out to Jordan, who gave me an idea that materialized and amounted to 237 words in my essay :)

If it weren't for you, I'd most probably still be struggling to cough up a few more pathetic examples or trying to lengthen the existing paragraphs as much as I possibly can.

And that could have taken ages.

Having to start the new year with uncompleted homework has dampened my mood so much, I haven't been able to manage a smile today. Can you imagine waking up in the morning of the new year only to be forced to sit in front of the computer, not to surf the internet, but to squeeze your brain juices dry in the hope of coming up with a decent paragraph for an essay you have no intention of completing?

It was hell, and having friends, who started after I did, complete theirs before I had even reached the 800-word mark was stressful.

But now that I've got it done, HALLELUJAH! I shall move onto other things to try and salvage my New Year's day.

Before I hussle off though, here's my resolution for the year 2007!

MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
(FOR 2007)
BY ALLYSSA WEE
AGE FOURTEEN YEARS, EIGHT MONTHS AND TWENTY-SIX DAYS.

1. I will have all my homework neatly done, double-checked, and handed in on time.

2. I will revise my work regularly.

3. I will study for all examinations, big or small.

4. I will stop dozing off in class.

5. I will save at least $250.

6. I will master the basics of the Korean language.

7. I will stop hating Science;

8. And try to excel in it.

9. I will be more:
a. Responsible.
b. Sensible.
c. Independent.

10. I will cut down on my chocolate intake.

Bring on 2007! :D

Cheers!
2:39 PM

It's 12 midnight now so: Happy New Year, everybody!

Wowww, 2006 is now history and it's a whole new year! Time flies, and somehow, I like the idea of a new beginning :)

So I got a new URL and a new layout to complement it! xD

There's just something about January 1 (of which I can't describe) that makes me super-motivated to do better, be better, or just plain start over. Life hasn't been very smooth-sailing for me thus far, and I haven't been very satisfied with the way I am - I procrastinate a lot and I'm always unable to pluck up the courage to do something beyond what's deemed to be in my comfort zone..

I want a change!

And since New Year's come just once in 12 months, the impetus for change is naturally stronger.

But I shall leave the New Year Resolutions till later :D


Moving on, I've been wanting to come up with a 2006 milestone for myself 'cos I think it's a great idea to look back at the past year and take a little time to think things through, do a little reflection etc. But 2006 has either been real uneventful, or I just simply cannot recall how wonderful a year 2006 has been for me.

But I know for sure that my classmates and I have bonded a whole lot this year, and we've come to enjoy one another's company now that we've spent two years together as a class. It pains to know we're all seperated into different classes next this year, but I'm sure our spirit as a class wouldn't falter as easily as we have, physically.

Being elected a Councillor has definitely been a highlight for me as well. All the effort that we've put in for publicity paid off, and it's really heartening to see all of us getting through together. I now shoulder more responsiblities than I've ever been entrusted with in my entire life and it'd be a challenge that I have to now face with an open mind.

And there's the Council camp which I sadly didn't manage to complete. It was plagued with pain and injuries for me, but it's through this camp that I've managed to integrate a lot more into Council, and I've forged stronger friendships with several of my batchmates, and even some of my seniors. I was forced to push my limits, and I hope I did, but I've also been reminded to be aware of my breaking point at all times.

It has also given me a useful insight into what Council term might turn out to be, and it's not going to be easy. I don't know what awaits me in the near future, but I hope that I'd be able to overcome whatever it is that may come my way, and acquire new skills/lessons while at it.

And to do that, I'd need sheer grit and determination - something I feel is greatly lacking in me.

So I hope, in this coming new year, I'd be able to achieve those I'm striving for, and accomplish what I've set out to do.

2007, here I come!

Cheers!
12:00 AM